5 Phases of Unemployment

Phase 1: Everyday is the weekend [YAY]

phase 1

WOO HOO everyday feels like Saturday. You want to stay up late on a Wednesday night, drink a bottle of wine, and have a movie marathon? Go.for.it. because you have nothing to do tomorrow! Now is the time you can catch up on books, shows, and all those DIY projects you’ve been dying to try! Could life get any better than this?

Phase 2: Unparalleled boredom

phase 2

You have successfully watched every episode of Mad Men on Netflix, and you quickly realized you have no income so you can’t actually afford to buy $100 worth of DIY supplies. Your days are long and filled with hours of nothingness.

Phase 3: Deep understanding of life as a dog

phase 3

You have reached the point where you literally count down the hours until your roommates are home because you have spent so much time alone. Desperate for human interaction, you find yourself longingly staring at the door as the clock reaches 5:30pm. So this is how all the pooches feel….

Phase 4: Feeling like the pinnacle of uselessness 

phase 4

What is the meaning of life?! I have no purpose, I’m not contributing to society, what am I doingggggggg with all my time? these existential questions will haunt your hours of alone time.

Phase 5: The light at the end of the tunnel

Phase 5

The day has come! You just got that call. That wonderful, glorious call informing you that “YOU GOT THE JOB!” Mega congrats onto you. Now you just have to entertain yourself until your start date…

Best of luck to my fellow unemployed homies, may the odds be ever in your favor.