Stages of a Job Interview

Pre-Interview

Stage 1: Disbelief

disbelief

Holy sh*t someone actually called me back for a job interview. Pinch me, pinch me! I must be dreaming.

Stage 2: Ridiculously Excited

excited

YAYAYAYAY I’m going in, I’m gunna own this, I AM A BEAUTIFUL ANIMAL.

Stage 3: Panic Panic Panic

panic

Oh my god, I have to talk to people about the things I’ve done and experienced?! But what if they don’t like me?! What if I trip on my way to the interview room?! What if I accidentally swear?!

During the Interview

Stage 4: Rockstar Extrovert

rockstar

Wowwww talking about myself is actually super easy. I’m so awesome. Listen to all my cool stories and gaze in amazement at my glory!

Stage 5: Exhaustion

tired

1 hour down, 1 hour to go. This is so exhausting. I don’t know if I can keep up my rockstar extrovert personality for much longer.

Stage 6: Relief

relief

I’ve done it! Go me! Also, the interviewers were so nice & personable. I can do anything! The world is my f*cking oyster.

Post Interview

Stage 7: Desperation Station

love me

HIREEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEE!!!! I LOVEEEEEEEE YOU!!!!

Best of luck to my fellow interviewees.

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3 Horrible Truths of Dating a Giant

1. You basically have to jog to keep up with them

jogging

Say hello to a nice jog every time the two of you go out for an afternoon stroll. Regardless of how many times you remind them that you were blessed with legs like a corgi, they will never remember to slow down.

2. Holding hands is kinda hard. Along with slow dancing, hugging, and kisses.

hug

Tippy tippy toes, or bending down to you, the thing is someone will always be compromising ideal comfort in this situation. Also, get ready to lose your ability to breathe easily as you are smothered against their chest.

3. No mirror will ever be good for both of you

mirrors

A mirror that’s good for him will only reach the top of your forehead, and a mirror that works for you will only cover his torso. I guess the only way to settle that one is a good ol’ fashioned battle of the sexes (is that like a dual or something? I’m not completely sure on that front).